I wonder if he’s wearing Batman Underroos as well.

Perhaps I should slow down with the drawing. I may need to hold back some pencils so I can put them in a tin cup, and sell them on a busy street corner.

Prepare to bust a gut laughing.

Anyway, while I was at the airport waiting for my luggage to come my way via the baggage carousel, an interesting thought occurred to me. I began to wonder how people might have reacted had I, upon seeing my bag, put my hands on my hips and cried out, “SHIT! Why didn’t that DETONATE?”

The Sad Blog: A story of Neglect, Shame & Restraining Orders 
 
Have you seen this child’s parent?
 
http://www.billmyerscreations.com/blog/
 
This poor child says that he hasn’t seen his daddy in over a week.
 
“Daddy used to love me,” sniffed the poor, dejected blog. “He would clean me up, update me or even create new threads at least every couple of days. Now… I have no idea where my daddy is.”
 
Child Blog Welfare was contacted in an attempt to locate this blogs father. The results were… mixed.
 
“Well,” said spokeswoman Jenny Haniver, ” there is some evidence that this blog’s father isn’t totally delinquent. We did see some evidence of care in the last week or so where some unsightly spam posts were removed, but we’ve seen little else then that. I mean… This kind of negligent parentage just boils my blood. Look, if people won’t shoulder the responsibility of raising a tender, vulnerable blog from childhood to adulthood… Well, they should have thought of that before they got all gung ho without the proper thought or protection.”
 
We spoke to the blog about this and asked how it felt.
 
“I don’t know,” whimpered the blog. “All I know is that daddy doesn’t love me like he used to. I don’t know what I did wrong. I’ve spent so many nights crying myself to sleep wondering what I did to make daddy stop loving me.”
 
We tried to reach one Mr. Bill Myers for comment on this story. After being threatened with a restraining order from author Bill Myers (54, writer of My Life as a Stupendously Stomped Soccer Star amongst other works) and a rather horrendous encounter with a knife wielding looney with an albino William Shatner mask and who wasn’t even named Bill… We hired a better research assistant.
 
When we finally reached Bill Myers (37, sweeper upper of kitty litter) for comment, well, it was just pathetic.
 
“Look,” whined Mr. Myers, “I’ve been busy. I had things to do. Besides, blogging is strenuous stuff. My eyes get sore, my fingers get cramped and my butt starts to go numb. I mean, I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger. Good gosh oh golly, I’m not even an Arnold Drummond. It’s just so tough!”
 
One of our crack field researchers, U. K. Piltdown, then presented Mr. Myers with damning evidence of internet activity on two other blogs.
 
“No comment,” was Mr. Myers only terse statement before repeated attempts were made at slamming the door on my foot, breaking several bones.
 
 
DNA (Database Nerd Analysis) ruled out the wilder speculations of Mr. Myers having sired illegitimate blogs while neglecting his own. Still, the care and attention to other blogs while neglecting his own child blog was damning enough to warrant further comments from http://www.billmyerscreations.com/blog/ itself.
 
“I had no idea that daddy was spending his time elsewhere when he could have been with me,” responded the nearly suicidal blog. “It just makes it hurt all the more that he spent time with them while saying that he was unable to blog at all. I feel so angry and betrayed.”
 
These comments were shared with Mr. Myers through his attorney. We then, after realizing that we had used the contact information for the other Bill Myers again, emailed the correct Bill Myers with the comments. Mr. Myers responded with an email containing a link to the website of one Chris Crocker.
 
The website contained a video that had the following message:
 
“Leave Bill Myers alone, you Bastards!!!! He’s only a human being!!!! What do you want from him?!?!?”
 
At this point, our investigation had to stop. My legal issues from breaking the other Bill Myers’ restraining order have become too monumental and poor Piltdown shot himself after he said that Chris Crocker was really hot in a weird way and was then informed that Crocker is in fact a guy.
 
Besides, there’s only so far you can drag out a lame joke spawned of boredom and a numb brain before the recipients come after you with pitchforks and torches.

I knew it! I just knew it!!! Those god-damned, conniving, Hitler-loving little bastards that haunt my days and my nights, that won’t let me achieve a moment’s peace, that represent the single biggest threat to global security that we have ever known!

I don’t like squirrels.

The dominant form of life on this planet, dubbed “humans” by xenobiologists, does not appear to be intelligent. Scientists believe that a race of flightless birds on the planet, called “Penguins,” are the real up-and-comers.