The Things I Learn
A couple of months ago my girlfriend bought a Nintendo Wii and a widescreen T.V. to go along with it. What were supposed to be merely additions to our entertainment center have turned out to be a profound learning experience for me.
I’ve been playing the boxing game that comes with Wii Sports, and had been moving through the levels of difficulty pretty rapidly until reaching a plateau. That’s when something very disturbing began happening to me. I began feeling frustrated by every loss, and that frustration soon gave way to anger bordering on rage. I began lashing out, at first by yelling obscenities at the game, and then on one particular evening my anger boiled over to the point where I was kicking and punching the furniture.
Yeah, you read that right. I was kicking and punching things (and hurting my fist and foot in the process) because I was losing at a stupid freaking video game. I was mortified, to say the least.
I’ve always known that I’m not very good at accepting failure, but standing there in the wake of my temper tantrum I realized my problem was deeper than that. I *hate* failure, and I hate *myself* whenever I fail at anything. I set standards for myself that are so high I get a nosebleed just thinking about them, and I punish myself with emotional brutality when I fall short. It took the sheer absurdity of having a meltdown over a video game to force me to fully understand just what I’ve been doing to myself.
I made a decision that night: regardless of what it was in my life that had led me to think and feel this way, I wasn’t going to be led any further down that path. I decided to play the game again and enjoy it regardless of the outcome. I began measuring my victories in terms of how much fun I had, and soon discovered one of life’s paradoxes: by losing my attachment to winning, it was easier to win. And more fun, to boot.
I now understand that I can just as easily apply this sort of thinking to my other endeavors, including my artistic pursuits. Will that increase my artistic output? Who knows? I know that my attitude towards failure is at least one component of that which has been getting in my way.
I am, however, no longer given to declaring “I have the answer once and for all and you will therefore see ‘The Victory Streak’ completed by this or that date.” Instead, I’ll simply do what I can do and you’ll find out about it as it happens (if, of course, you’re smart enough to read this blog 
). As I approach this endeavor again, however, I can tell you one thing that will be different: I will focus on enjoying the process and the things I learn from it regardless of the outcome.
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Yeah… How about testing that?
http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=7470810&style=games
Fatal Four Way…
HHH, Undertaker and Kane against you as Rey Mysterio…
In Hell in a Cell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Send your lovely lady to a friends house before starting to play.
Mwoo-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Other than the fact that I won’t buy one because it’s at least half a euphemism for urinating, the only advice I can give is to remember this lesson and remind yourself of it. Creativity is not usually an on-demand service.
Okay, I admit, I just put that it for the chance to use euphemism and urinating in the same sentence, but the advice is good, right?
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:11 am
Jerry, thank you for the recommendation but I’m not interested in other video games, nor are they the focus of this post. My interest in Wii boxing is currently limited to using it as an occasional reminder of what I’ve learned. I now also try to limit my playing in favor of writing and drawing.
Sean, I understand what you mean about not being able to “force” creativity but that is inconsistent with my goal of becoming a professional writer. I cannot think of a single professional writer who became successful by only writing when inspiration struck. J. Michael Straczynski advises writers to adopt a daily discipline of “ass in chair,” even if it’s only 30 minutes a day.
That’s where learning to shift one’s focus from the outcome to the process comes in. I believe frustration and fear of failure are significant components of “writer’s block.” Learning to embrace failure as a necessary component of success, one can more quickly and easily overcome the “block.” It’s like having a cold. There are things you can do to shorten its duration, and things you can do that will prolong it.
Surprisingly, this is a principle that even applies to sports, which is a field that is primarily about winning. Former Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy used to counsel his players not to search for the big play, but to do the little things right. The wins, he believed, would come as a result.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
“Jerry, thank you for the recommendation but I’m not interested in other video games, nor are they the focus of this post.”
I know what [i]your focus[/i] was, but stuff you. [i]My focus[/i] was getting you onto a game that will have you throwing that wee little Wii remote right at HHH face.
Is your TV covered by an insurance plan yet?
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I hate that everyone has their own tags anymore. I keep doing that everywhere lately…
August 4th, 2008 at 6:15 am
Just be careful with the butt in the chair bit. Make sure that you’re okay with maybe only coming up with one usable line.
August 4th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Actually, I’m comfortable with coming up with *no* usable material whatsoever. It’s been said that you have to write 1,000 bad pages to get to a good one. So it makes sense that one should get those first 1,000 pages banged out as swiftly as possible.
August 8th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Bill, I am constantly impressed with your ability to confront your inner problems.
I have my own brand of fear of failure [Indolence, for men].
As for Victory Streak, even if you can’t always find the time to write, or are not satisfied with your work, try to keep the story alive in your mind, touying with it, thinking about it. It’s a less time conduming, somewhat rewarding, and actually necessary part of the work.
August 13th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
hey bill…
isn’t it weird how we keep growing up well into the ages past the point we already would have been expected to reach. ( i know that sounds a little clunky, but i am trying to work on a similarly styled philosophy that you have expressed as a new path). it shows that truly all endeavors of any worth are works in progress and any “great ” work analyzed enough can have improvements recommended.
a long time ago i learned ofa study about piano prodigies as compared to average and good players in the same age range. simply put, in the same time frame average players put in 5000 hours of practice, good 10000 hours, and prodigies 15-20000 hours. ( the ratio is right if the numbers seem off).
so the question is…are the prodigies practicing more because they are good? or good because they committed themselves so much more timewise that all the crap that any player would have to go through they got out of the way sooner by playing more often and more committedly and keeping their damned hands of their Wii (chuckle).
think about it. what if every endeavor had a sort of standard level of shit to go through, no matter your skill level. so by reasoning, the more time you spend in concentrated effort the sooner you can get past the crap. there will always be more crap, but eventually you get a lot of crap out of the way and can choose the crap you want to deal with which in turn becomes your style. and your style flourishes as you deal with variegated crap.
and then, through effortless effort, you become “great”.
good luck and keep your guard up.
keef