Katie Has Awful Parents
Last night, our cat, Katie, got loose for the first time in her six years on this planet.
My girlfriend, the lovely Jeannie, was taking an “animated reindeer” lawn ornament outside and opened the sliding glass door in the back of our townhouse for a moment. That was all the opportunity our little ninja-cat needed to dart outside unnoticed. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize she was missing for 18 FREAKIN’ HOURS!
Thankfully, she hid under the cover on the gas grill on the back patio. Thank GOD we found her alive and whole.
Katie, we love you. But you’re kind of a dumbass.
Then again, so are we for letting you escape and not noticing it for 18 FREAKIN’ HOURS! You are on lockdown, little creature.
November 26th, 2006 at 12:40 am
Same thing happened when we had cats. We had two balconies on our condo. I went out for something, so Mr. Smokey slipped out. Couple hours later, I hear this meowing, so I poke Stace and tell her the cat wants her. She grumbles, goes downstairs, then comes back up and tells me she can’t find him. We’re still hearing him, though. Then I happen to look at the balcony door, open it up, look over the rail and he’s looking up at me saying “Let me the frig in you tall moron!” Didn’t ride on my shoulder for a week or two after that.
Katie looks a little too much like Mr. Smokey for my comfort. If she had one white paw I’d be thinking you stole my cat. And then gave him a sex change.
November 26th, 2006 at 6:09 am
Yeah, ain’t the little fuzz balls fun.
When my wife moved in, she brought a short haired, half Persian with her. She calls him, “Neo.” I call him, “Evil Kitty.” You have to do the Dr. Evil voice when using that name to make it work right. I used to tell her that the I was going to complete his transformation into his true self, Evil Kitty, by making him completely bald. I stopped using that threat when the beatings got too much for me to take.
Anyway, Evil Kitty has a habit of running full speed ahead for open doors. Not always a problem as I have a screened porch. Well, one night Evil Kitty snuck out the door right after we chased him back inside for the night. He was quite happy out there for several hours. Then he realized that he couldn’t get back inside and panicked.
It’s now four in the morning and I’m waking up to the sound of battering ram against my kitchen door. The cat is repeatedly running full speed ahead and head butting a hardwood door. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
I open the door and in runs Evil. I get to try and go back to sleep with the next thirty minutes full of a cat that won’t shut up and Jenn telling him that he’s stupid and he should know better by now. Seems he’d done that, head butting and all, several times before.
It also wasn’t the last time.
To this day, Evil’s favorite game is still trying to sneak outside. I’m not sure, do to his own actions, why though. He finally managed to do it one night not long after the head banging incident and ended up having a panic attack.
Best I can figure, Evil snuck out onto the porch when I took the trash out. Since I didn’t know he was out there, I didn’t bother to lock the screen door. Bad move as the cat knows how to open screen doors. About two in the morning, I thought I heard something odd outside. Jenn asked me what was up and I couldn’t tell her because I wasn’t sure what I’d heard myself. I hopped out of bed and went out to the porch to check. Nothing. Then I heard an odd gurgle on the carport.
Hiding under Jenn’s Rav , wide eyed and panicked, was Evil. He was so spazzed that he wouldn’t move. I had to slide my slipper at him to get his dumb butt to run back onto the porch and then carry him back inside.
And he still hasn’t learned.
He’s snuck out two or three times since then, but he got caught within one minute each time. The funny thing is, the little twit spends all day staring out windows and trying to sneak out doors and then panics and freezes whenever he does. You know that look that a kitten gets when it runs out from under a chair, attacks your foot, realizes how much more there is to its target, looks up at you with that look and runs back under the chair? That’s the “oh dear god” look he gets as he turns into an Evil Kitty statue within three feet of the door.
And some people wonder why I think dogs are the superior species.
November 26th, 2006 at 6:23 am
Sorry,
That’s “Nio” (short for Antonio) and not “Neo” as stated above.
Correction requested by my wife under threat of further beatings.
Please send help. Tell them to follow the sound of cast iron fry pans hitting something followed by a whimpering male sound.
November 27th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
18 hours? Poor katie. At least she stayed close to home. I wonder what she thought after the 1 st hour or the second or the 18th- lol. The same thing happened to bruce and I. Lucky and Toby- our previous cats- pushed out a screen and escaped- we didnt notice until the next day. We found them under the neighbor’s deck.
November 28th, 2006 at 12:42 am
I remember Lucky and Toby
We too wonder what she was thinking, both when she ran out and after several hours had passed… In our defense, she does tend to ignore us and she doesn’t fuss for food so it is easy to not miss her for while. Still, I feel guilty - she’s like the kid who runs away to see if anyone notices - we didn’t.