By the way, Jeannie and I miss you guys something fierce! Hope all is well, and that you’re enjoying your new digs in Texas. Looking forward to swinging by for a visit! I mean, who else would we want to play spades and euchre with??? You’re our favorite card-playing partners!

Bottom line, what you did — albeit unintentionally since you don’t know me from anything other than our online exchanges — was help me realize that I should stick to my guns. Because if you liked the story, it’s also possible that some others might like it as well. It’s always a gamble — but the best bet’s always on what’s in your heart.

This is the last “useful critique” I’ll get from you? I can live with that, my friend. Especially if you keep coming back and checking out my stuff. And posting something in my blog so I don’t get lonely!

(first off, one of us has to change their name. It’s confusing. I vote that whoever had it first gets to keep it. Oh dear, I guess that means you have a tough decision to make…)

Well, I don’t know what i said but I’m glad it made you happier. Straczynski is correct. Screw the market, especially at this point in your comics career. There is plenty of time to sell out later and hack out crap you don’t believe in for an easy buck.

Victory Streak may not be commercial by today’s standards–it doesn’t have mostly unpleasant characters for one thing–but that probably speaks well of you (I sense a good deal of your personality in this script, based on how you’ve come across over at the Peterdavid blog). It’s actually nice to read a superhero comic where the hero acts, you know, heroically.

I appreciate your comments but that was probably the last useful critique you’ll ever get from me. I have a few friends who have been in the comics biz and when I read their stuff it is no longer as an impartial fan. I see elements of their personality in it and it gives me a level of enjoyment that the regular reader may not see.

Also, doing this zombie movie has really driven home how much love and sweat goes into a project. I’m dreading seeing the reviews “Ho hum, another zombie movie>’ when we spent a freaking YEAR working on it!

Hopefully, the love will show through. It’s obvious you really love this story and the characters, and that’s something nobody else can do. So go for it.

Anyway, look at the big picture; you’re asking for advice when YOU are the one who has a GIRLFRIEND who is SUPPORTIVE OF HIS COMICS CAREER!!! Hell, you should be writing an advice book! Legions of lonely comic book fans need to know your secret! I thought I snagged the last one, nice to see I was wrong. remember; behind every successful comics fan is a great woman. Rolling her eyes.

I had unleashed my story upon the world, and deep down wanted everyone’s praise. Everyone’s.

So when I received critiques from people who felt my story had significant weaknesses, it deflated me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for each and every critique. They were thoughtful, articulate, and constructive. They were from people who wanted to help me, not from people who wanted to tear me down. The fact that I was deflated had everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else.

Because I felt deflated, I set about to revamp the concept from the ground up. My girlfriend urged me not to do that, fearing I’d waste time putzing around with this one story, revising it over and over and over, and thus not progressing as a writer or an artist.

But I pooh-poohed her advice. I thought, “The story’s crap, it must change.”

But a little voice inside my head said, “You believed in the Victory Streak. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to let him live? To continue the story you started? Because you love that story and you’ve been aching to tell it for so long.”

Then last night I read a column on writing from J. Michael Straczynski, creator of the landmark sci-fi T.V. series Babylon 5. He urged writers to write for themselves, to go with their hearts, and damn the commercial considerations. Told a story about how he did that, and how it resulted in his writing a novel that got published.

Then I saw your post.

I’m going to write more about this in an upcoming blog entry, but suffice to say a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I get it now. I can’t, shouldn’t, mustn’t be swayed by every individual opinion of my work. Because there’s too many opinions. Some will be diametrically opposed. I just have to take the chance and do what my heart tells me to do.

Bill, feel free to critique or not critique my work as you see fit. I will continue to keep the forum going because I loved Marvel Comics’ letters pages in the ’70s and ’80s (when they still knew how to do them), and I’d like my blog to serve as an electronic version of those letters pages. I love to hear from people, so if you’re really gonna come back for future installments, post whatever reactions you want in my blog.

Me, I’m gonna renege on my vow to totally revamp this story, and instead give it some minor tweaks while I draw it. I blew my April 1st deadline (what was I thinking setting April Fool’s Day as a deadline?) but I’ll get some stuff up soon.

Thanks, Bill. From the heart.

Page 2– I’d bet a nickel that the “thieves breaking into the medical offices” bit will come up later. If it does, it’s too obvious a telegraph. If not, it isn’t needed.

Page 3- the joke was funny. You have a real ear for dialog. The people are likable after just a few panels.

Page 5- the flashback is good–at this point I think you’ll need a few more to make the storytelling work. I might have picked a more dramatic set piece but that may be only because I did a lot of REALLY STUPID AND DANGEROUS things when I was a kid. Jump over a ramp? My mom would have BEGGED me to take up ramp-jumping.

Pages 8,9 etc– the fight is good and the bit with Kathy is funny though you could ramp up the laughs a bit by having her keep getting on the phone to 911 more than once–she should certainly be concerned when the switchblade comes up.

Page 11– I really like the idea of a superhero who has a sister that knows about him. Has that been done? I have 3 sisters so I get the dynamic at work there and it would be a fascinating one (for that matter, if one of my sisters got super powers (it would be Caren, of course) and I knew about it…that would be a very interesting thing…)

One nit– I don’t like how in comics characters keep using each others names. Maybe it’s me, but after the basic greetings (”Hi, Bill!”) I don’t belabor the point (”How about this weather Bill, is it hot, Bill, or is it me, Bill? Bill?”)

On the other hand, this is the first time the characters have been introduced so you have to expect some of this.

Ech. Ditch the captions. You have a gift for dialog, if Kathy despises herself, express it with here thoughts. The all seeing all knowing caption is too old fashioned. That’s the first thing I didn’t like in the whole story.

“Natural Male Enhancement” Ha!

Page 13– Ah, so this universe HAS superheroes…

Page 15– again, I’d ditch the captions. The story is told clear enough as is (if this were a strictly kids book it would be a different story).

Page 17– a bit too coincidental, the robbery interrupting the argument.

Page 19– good, funny line.

Page 20– I’m not gonna keep bitching about the captions…but I hate the captions…

For example, if he’s an EMT guy he can probably tell us himself about the punctured lung, etc. Actually, that’s kind of cool–a superhero who has a working knowledge of medical diagnosis. You could have some funny bits with that. He gets hit and when someone asks him if he’s ok he says “Yeah, it’s just a subdural hemolytic infarction with minor cartilagenous abrasions.” (note–I just made that up. I have no idea if it means anything)

It ends to suddenly and I think you need to have more of Steve’s thoughts.

Ok, I don’t know if I want to do this for every thing you write because it comes off as critical and I actually LIKED it. My point would be to play to your considerable strengths in writing dialog (which is a GREAT strength to have in comics, you know).

I’ve always thought that dialogue was one of my strong suits. It’s nice to have that externally validated.

If you’re willing to read the rest of the story, I’m extremely interested in anything else you might have to say. Thanks!

I read the first few pages of your script. I thought the first page was superfluous. A splash panel should lead the reader into the main action: the newsreader is not where the story is. Combine the splash page with the first panel of page 2 for a stronger, more fluid opening. The newsreader’s dialogue can be conveyed in captions, and position the family such that it’s clear the tv is on. Alternatively, have a sequence of three tv screen-shaped panels at the top of the page, with a large splash panel of the family (ie. the picture that is currently panel one of page two) below.

Elsewhere, you start a flashback on a new page. I’m not sure that would work. Start a flashback within a page, so it’s absolutely clear to the reader that this IS a flashback and not just a change of locale.

For further comment I’d need to print it all out and study it further, but I hope you find the above of suggestions of some use.

You’ve a good ear for dialogue, and the family aspect certainly rings true. I look forward to seeing the finished comic!

Actually, Mark and I have been good friends for nearly a decade now, and we know we can be really honest with each other.

I agree with you and Not From Around: this story needs a ”hook.” Today I thought of one. But it would require another rewrite, which I’d vowed not to do. Then I realized nothing is stopping me from changing scenes at the drawing stage, and re-writing dialogue at the lettering stage! See, I can keep my vow through the use of a loophole! For my next trick, watch me run for president!

Point taken about the flashbacks needing better transitions.

By the way, comics are a visual and a textual medium. You can tell a story without words, but such stories are the exception that proves the rule. Besides, a wordless story is still a story, and therefore is a kind of text. That said, I agree with your criticism regarding the misuse of captions. I’ve been re-reading Joss Whedon and John Cassaday’s Astonishing X-Men, and am amazed at how they’ve been able to convey so much without thought balloons or captions.

I could see you making good use of the “diminuitive family demons” idea, but I don’t believe that would work for me. Everyone’s got their own style, after all. 

Brainpower does have some exploitable weaknesses and I probably should set those up earlier in the story.

Jeannie and I can’t wait to get together to play Munchkins again (for those of you wondering, it’s a game, and a really cool one at that!).

On page 12, John’s argument is illogical. The fact that Kathy’s going for a PhD doesn’t prove that she is less wasteful of John’s money than Steve. It does seem to indicate that she is striving to achieve more. If that is what John really wishes to stress to Steve, he should say it more clearly and not mention the money. (Or have him say it more obliquely and let his demon explain it all.)

The hot dog vendor’s words are confusing on page 14. In the first sentence, “they” refers to the punks. In the second sentence, “they” are the faceless repeaters of hearsay. That doesn’t scan well.

If (and only if) Steve is going to go after brainpower for a rematch and beat him by capitalizing on brainpower’s one weakness, I would like to see some foreshadowing of that by having a small hint to brainpower’s weakness revealed in this issue. (If you have done this already, good job on hiding it!)