The Superstreak #1: Script
Wondering what happened to The Bluestreak? The name was taken. So I did the research I should’ve done to begin with and changed our hero’s name to one that doesn’t appear to be spoken for. Thanks to Mr. Chris Bush for letting me know that I’d strayed into trademark infringement territory with The Bluestreak, and thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, Jeannie Steven, for suggesting the new name for this series’ protagonist.
So, didja read it? Huh, didja?
As I stated on my home page, above all I’d like honest feedback from everyone. Tell me what you liked, and tell me what you didn’t like.
The way this blog is formatted, you need to scroll all the way to the bottom of this page to leave feedback. When I have time (ha!) I’m going to see if I can make the blog a little more user-friendly in that respect.
So… what did you all think?
February 20th, 2006 at 11:44 am
I’ll start with the big stuff:
Motivation. Why, o why does Steve take to fighting crime? Does he think vigilantism is the only job a superhuman is qualified for? Was he conditioned for it by reading 1000 comic books straight to win a bet? Give us a reason. A poignant one like Spiderman’s would be best. If he must fight crime, has he ruled out the police academy? How about getting a detective’s license?
Smaller stuff:
In page 2, “disappeared” is not good enough. State the circumstances. Where was Steve when he disappeared? What was he doing? These questions loom huge during an investigation. Their absence leaves a hole.
In page 2 panel 3, “Authorities are at a loss”? When do they ever admit that? Have the anchorwoman say, “Authorities gave us a litany of weak guesses, but, in my enlightened opinion, they’re all crap.”
In page 6 panel 3, talk less. Show us the dealer swindling people. Show us how it is done (because we want to know) and leave no doubt in our minds that he really is a bad man.
In page 7 panel 3, are we ready to believe Steve would stand up to a big bruiser before he knows he has super powers? Would this same man say “I don’t want any more trouble” later, after he does know he has them? I am confused by the hints into Steve’s character.
Battle Angel Alita once acquired super speed. When she used it, her thinking increased in speed too. This gave her the impression that the whole world slowed down. Does this happen to Steve? If it did, the speed change would confuse him during his first experiences of it. Also, if he can think at super speed, why does he not say funnier things? Why no questions about power boosting anal probes? Or about going back to the alleged aliens and recommending the same treatment for all his friends and family?
Tiny stuff:
In page 5 panel 1, don’t tell the illustrator that the car belongs to Kathy. Tell him how to show that it does. State the make and color of the car and make them girly. Show the keys in her hand, and the girly keychain accessories attached. (That’s one example.)
In page 5 panel 2, loose the caption.
In comics, remember how much happens in the gutters. Hint at some actions by juxtaposing appropriate pictures. In page 3 panel 6, you can say merely “Steve at countertop with knife in hand.” Since this is different from the immediately preceding panel, the walking and the picking up of the knife are implied. I’m no expert, but my very limited experience at this medium suggests to me that action verbs can screw you up. An ill-conceived action verb can require two panels to illustrate, when the writer allotted only one panel.
I won’t say any more about this tiny stuff because I am so far away from mastering it myself.
February 20th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Everyone, Mark is one of my best friends and a talented artist and writer. I’m glad he broke the ice because I’m hoping his honesty will encourage the same from others. When I ask Mark for an honest opinion I get one, which is one of the things I like about him.
Mark, I’m very dissatisfied with the first issue’s script. A writer, like an actor, needs to get into the heads and hearts of his characters and I failed to do that. I’ve spent the last couple of days “getting to know” my characters and will revise the script with what I’ve “learned.” I assume I can count on you to write a review of the next (and, I hope, final) draft.